"I didn't mean to say yes!" I said hotly to my exhausted
roommate, soul mate, and best friend, Kim.
It was around 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night in a small college town. Kim had just walked in the door from a long afternoon and evening of waiting tables and was ready to call it a night. When she'd come home I'd been nervous and my stomach was rolling with dread of what was to come. She'd come home early and I expected her to be a good best friend and save me from a terrible mistake. She was not thrilled with the idea and was staunchly refusing.
"I can't believe you said yes!" She was getting irritated with my persistence.
"He never said it was a date! We are meeting his friends at a coffee shop! Which means I can bring a friend too! His is exact words were, 'hey, wanna go hang out at the coffee shop, some of my friends will be there.'" Even though it is obvious now, it never occurred to me to call him and back out, to make up some lame excuse like washing my hair. I was a freshman in college and in the grand tradition of meeting people and making "life-long" friends it was important to go places and meet people. Why would he want to date me anyway... I was certain I wasn't his type... after all I did shave my legs and eat meat products.
So I didn't think twice when this acquaintance, Matt, called up and invited me to come hang out with him and some friends at a coffee shop on Main Street. Matt was pedantically unique. He was the artsy guy who may have been brilliant but looked homeless. If you've ever been on any college campus you know the type. He was tall and skinny with dark hair and enough whiskers to make his face look as dirty as his clothes and worn out Birkenstocks. You couldn't quite tell if he was witty and high or just slow, which only made him more curious to me, a sheltered girl from the burbs. Of course he didn't have a car and it was a bit chilly for his bicycle, so I'd be driving. This was a plus because I could leave when ever I wanted; gave me some control if things got granola weird.
The nausea and despair began minutes after I hung up the phone. The very last thing he said was, "I'll shower and be over in about half an hour."
Shower! Oh NO! He was going to shower! That had to be reserved for special occasions... I mean you could smell this guy coming! That's when it dawned on me he must think this was a date! My agony about what to do lasted for about 20 minutes. Then arrives Kim, my savior and the ensuing argument.
"No! I'm not going on your date with you!" Kim rarely fought me on anything so this was harder than I thought.
"Please! It isn't a date! He said we were going to hang with some of his friends!" I began to beg. "Please! You won't be the third wheel, there will be lots of people there! I'll owe you big! Huge!"
Kim eyed me and finally gave in, "Fine I'll go, but you owe me big time. I can't believe you are doing this to me." Her shoulders sagged.
"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the best friend ever!" I was so pleased. Now all I had to do was look innocent when I announced that Kim would be going with us.
While Kim was changing I picked up an awesome Eddie Bauer pullover of hers that I'd coveted all semester and she sometimes let me borrow. She returned from the restroom with Matt in tow as she'd run into him in the hallway. As they enter I asked Kim, "Can I borrow your pullover?"
Matt looked from me to Kim and then back to me. He held up a dark red thin wool sweater that looked fairly clean and announced, "I brought this for you to wear." The awkward silence was palpable. "Oh. No thank you." I said quickly and pulled on the jacket before Kim could answer. Standing behind Matt, Kim rolled her eyes and gave me a dirty look.
"Mmm, since we are meeting some of your friends I invited her to come along." Now it was Matt who gave me a dirty look and eyed the pullover as if it were offensive. I smiled in return wishing I'd just drop dead and be done with this whole awful situation. "Well, lets go!" I said wanting the night to be over as quickly as possible.
Now, you have to understand my situation. Just about everywhere we went together, Kim drove. It was habit and six little habitual words flowed from my mouth before I realized what I was saying. "Kim, do you have your keys?" Her eyes narrowed and if looks could kill, I'd have been put out of my misery.... in fact, all three of us would have been relieved if I'd just keeled over.
I didn't drop dead but the big nasty boulder was rolling down the proverbial hill now with no way to stop it. So the three of us, me wearing Kim's jacket, Matt carring an extra sweater and Kim jingling her keys, all walked down to the parking lot from the dorm. And then I made things worse.
Again, not thinking and acting out of courtesy, I deferred the front seat to the taller person and followed Kim to the diver's side back door. It wouldn't have been too bad if Matt had been thinking the same thing.... but no.... to my horror and humiliation he got in the back seat too. Now Kim was really pissed off, Matt was marginally placated with the new turn of events, and I'd have beat my brains out if there was anything but Matt's dirty sweater in the back seat with us.
If you are wondering if the night could get any worse, let me amaze you. If you are a sympathetic creature who is already writhing in my humiliation, or feeling so awkward you wish YOU could hide.. I must warn you to stop here. It does in fact get much worse.
By this time Kim has started the car and slammed it into gear. We are off and headed for the coffee shop. She wasn't sure which one so she got short clipped directions from Matt. That was all that was said in the 15 minute car ride. She kept her eyes on the road not looking back at us. I was leaning as far into my door as possible. I wanted to get to the coffee shop as soon as possible so that we could dilute this foul tension that was continuing to grow.
We finally arrived at a greasy, run-down, dirty little shop reminiscent of Matt himself. Here's where it gets worse... the place was empty except for us. Kim was about to murder me and Matt was looking a bit dejected. She went and sat down at a rickety table with a worn chess board on it. Not knowing how to play chess left Kim and Matt playing a "friendly" game while I looked on. The silence was worse than the tension and I didn' t know what to say. I felt I had to vindicate myself somehow so I asked, "Matt, where are your friends? Did we get the right place?" He rolled his eyes and assured me we were in the right place. I figured if I kept playing dumb my last brain cell might actually die and this terrible night would be over. But it only got worse.
Kim came to the rescue, but not by stabbing me with a chess piece and putting us all out of our misery as I'd hoped she would. "Well, looks like they're not coming, lets get out of here." I jumped to my feet at her suggestion and we all head to the car. I didn't make the mistake of heading for the back seat again and took the front seat. I gave a weak smile and they both looked annoyed.
Matt, never giving up hope, suggested he show us a cool little place with a nice view of the town. So off we drove again taking directions from Matt. As we made numerous turns and twists just outside of town, Kim looked at me with agitation in her eyes again and said, "I think I know where this goes...... up to the cemetery on top of the hill right?" Matt didn't respond but kept giving directions.
Sure enough we ended up at the gates of the local cemetery. Now, it was on top of a hill overlooking the city and on any given day when the gates were open it might afford a good view, but it was dark and the gates were locked.
Kim sounded incredulous, "I'm not climbing a fence into a grave yard at night! That's it! we're going home." Matt began to protest but thought better of it when she whipped the car around slinging him around in the backseat. On the ride home Matt looked bummed, I was humiliated into abject silence and Kim was furious. I knew she was going to rightfully verbally abuse me the moment Matt was dropped off at his dorm. I'd wished all evening for this to be over and now I dreaded going home with Kim.
Once Matt was out of the car the verbal abuse came out flying. I was stunned to hear her abusing Matt and not me. "What kind of pervert brings a sweater for a girl to wear on the FIRST DATE that he lied in order to get! Like some dog collar, like he was claiming you or something. JERK!" She was yelling so loud and fast I almost didn't catch it all. "What kind of pervert takes a girl to a cemetery in the middle of the night!" I was amazed, jaw hanging open. Then it was my turn.
"And you!" She turned on me as she parked the car in our lot. "Something could have happened to you! You don't just go out with people you hardly know to meet 'friends' of theirs you don't even know!" She was shaking with rage but not because of what I'd put her through, but at what might have happened. Her justified anger and comments only sliced me to threads. It almost would have been better to face her anger than her love.
To this day she has never let me live it down, nor should she. But I learned more about my best friend that night than in all our four years living together. I'm proud to say she is still my best friend and still right there with me through the good, the bad, and the stupid things I do.
Love you Kim
P.S. Matt never talked to me again and Kim gave me that Eddie Bauer pullover after graduation. I still have it and wear it occasionally when I need a reminder of the comfort and love of my friend.
BabyMan: "Sorry Dad! Sorry Dad!" His sweet little voice full of regret and sincerity I thought for sure BabyMan had set a trap or something. Then with the sass of a teenager he says.....
