Holiday Reflection

So this won't be funny; but life this past year has been stressful and for the first time in my life I'm glad the year is coming to an end. At the beginning of the year I embarked down several dark tunnels and am just now seeing the light at the end of them and I'd like to share my relief and hope.

Tunnel number one was more like a roller coaster. Love of My Life and I decided to have a baby and began trying last December the moment he got home from deployment. In January I went in for my annual female testing and received word that my PAP test was "abnormal." Due to mix-ups, insurance and the general ineptitude of military doctors we had to put the baby making on hold for several months while they shuffled me from one place to another trying to ascertain if I was ok. It was stressful but everything was cleared up by March and we were given the green light to start making a baby again.

Our patience was rewarded in late May with news of a little one on the way. Again because of general shuffling and slow processes with military doctors I didn't get referred off-base for my first appointment until I was about 8 weeks along. A week before my appointment I was so uncomfortable and in pain that I honestly thought there was no way I would ever be able to mentally handle this for nine months. I felt weak and like a cry baby... every woman goes through this right? My first doctor visit was a herald of doom. I was honest at the initial consultation about how uncomfortable I was and that while we really wanted a baby I was worried and apprehensive about the pregnancy. My doctor was optimistic and said, "Lets take a look." So she looked at the ultrasound, asked many many questions and said, "You are going to miscarry." My roller-coaster high did a nose-dive. Even though I'd just said I was worried about the pregnancy I didn't want this news. I think she did it to try and make me more comfortable; she ordered another ultrasound with a specialist for the following week. She assured me that we'd know more then based on how things were growing- or not growing. She didn't say it at the time but at 8 weeks there was no evidence of a baby. The ultrasound a week later confirmed this. So the miscarriage came and went... and in many ways I was selfishly relieved that I had my body back and I wasn't in pain anymore.

So after a relaxing week at the beach with my family, summer ended and my school year began. I slowly began to crawl up the next hill of the roller coaster. In August we found out I was pregnant again! This time we had our doctor all set up and ready to go. I was in the office for my first visit at week 6 and when I saw the little heart fluttering on the screen I was so happy. I was also very comfortable and not experiencing any of the pain like before. The next few weeks brought round-the-clock sickness but it was more bearable than the previous summer. I'm now 4 months and the light at the tunnel seems bright and my shinning little star will finally arrive on May 21 2010.

The second tunnel was one Love Of My Life and I ventured into together and by the grace of God we are about to pull out of it too. In August, a few weeks before we found out I was pregnant again, we tore our kitchen down to the studs. Yes, we took out the walls, floors, ceiling, wiring and plumbing. Then we started the long process of putting it back together... or I should say paying others to put it back together. The walls are up, the floors are in and the cabinets come tomorrow provided it doesn't snow again. I'm optimistic that it will be finished by Christmas.

The third tunnel has not been all dark, but very long. In January of 2006 I started the ball rolling on getting my masters in "Secondary Science Curriculum and Instruction." Since then I've taken over 36 hours of masters classes, many of which were in the biology department. I've maintained a 4.0 average, won an award, and switched teaching jobs all within the past four years. Being pregnant and sick during the first trimester made this last class and my comprehensive exams a challenge but I'm now done and will receive my degree on December 18th this year.

So I'm looking forward to 2010, being 30 for a few more months and entering the next phase of life with a new degree, a new baby, and a new kitchen! I wonder what next year will bring? Thanks for all your support and reading my blog. Perhaps I'll have some more gut-busting funny stories next year.

(My 30th Birthday dinner)